Laughing always makes me feel good and keeps me chilled, so tell me a good clean joke.

Me first........... A little puppy walks into a wild west salon with his leg in a sling, he goes over to the barman and asks " im looking for the man who shot my pa"

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Did you hear how the chap from the fish and chip shop died?

He was found caught between a Rock and a hard Plaice.

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a man walks into a bar with a giraffe, they get drunk. the man goes to leave, the barman says "you cant leave that lyin' there, the man says "thats not a lion its a giraffe"

Ok its terrible, but all the good jokes i know are either a: rude about someone or b: to obscene to repeat

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I Don't Work For DCM.....Honest

What did the man say, when he walked into a bar?

Ouch!

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Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and say's " you any idea how to drive this thing"

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How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish!

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Two old ladies talking over the garden fence, "I think the tall guy up the street has mad cows disease" say's Dot, "how do you know" say's Edith, "everytime he walks past my house he rubs his head on my gate post"

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What did Rommel say to his men before they got in their tanks? "Men get in your tanks".

Bloke walks into a pub. *thud*

Not a joke, but forget the real world and listen to an episode of "The Goon Show".

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Galleries: Monochrome : 11 of the best

Thinking from another thread:

"Is a nun a bird of pray?"

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 A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open-heart bypass surgery.
 
 He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. 
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
 She asked, "Do you have health insurance?"
 He replied in a raspy voice, "No, no health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
 He replied, "No, no money in the bank". 
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
 He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." 
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
 "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God".

The patient replied "OK you can send the bill to my brother-in-law." 

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"Every day is a nice day - if you wake up"

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The grave of Karl Marx is just another Communist plot

Then there is the really old one:

"My dog has no nose!"

"Really?! How does he smell?"

"TERRIBLE!!!"

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A white horse walks into a pub and orders a pint of mild,

the barman takes a glass and begins to pour -

halfway through he says to the horse -

We have a Whisky named after you -

The horse replies -

What, Eric?

 

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Joe walks into the bar "who wants to hear a blondes joke" he asks. "Hang on" said a girl at the bar,"I'm blonde and both my friends are blonde and we are all bigger than you, do you still want to tell a blondes joke"

"No way" said Joe "I'm not explaining it three times"

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"Every day is a nice day - if you wake up"

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Why does Edward Woodward have so many D's in his name.







If he didn't, he'd be called Ewar Woowar.

Boom boom.